Marriage —A Threesome
Why do Christian young people very often choose a life partner who is not a born again Christian? They deliberately go against God’s Word, yet still expect Him to bless their marriage. At times God, in His love and graciousness, does bless and often the unsaved partner comes to know the Lord after marriage. Unfortunately, however, if there is no interest in the Lord before marriage, there is usually less after marriage.
Be Not Unequally Yoked
In 2 Corinthians 6:14 we are told not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. If young people would just keep this in mind when first seeking a partner for life, it would solve many of their problems. If you are a sincere Christian and seek the Lord in other areas of your life, why not pray about a partner, too? Find someone who loves the Lord, as you do, and whose interests are the same as yours. Ask God to lead and direct you and give you the partner of His choice. If we honour the Lord in all areas of our Christian walk, I believe He will honour us also.
How often we have watched a young couple in love. They have eyes for no one but each other as they walk, talk and sit together. Before marriage they can’t seem to see enough of each other… they want to share everything and practically think alike. Everyone who knows them feels that “they are meant for each other.” But often, after the honeymoon, they come down to earth and the day by day normal living finds some of the “bloom off the flower.” If you are reading this, and the above fits, ask yourself “why?”
Often, when you talk to couples, they are quick to blame each other for their problems. I think this is probably one of the first things that is wrong … the immaturity of always blaming someone else and not stopping to think that possibly our actions have led to the other person’s response. When you go into a marriage, don’t ask what you are going to get out of it. Rather, ask what you are going to put into this partnership.
A good Christian marriage is not a “twosome” but a “threesome,” both of you with Christ in the center. Start life together with a time of prayer and reading God’s Word each day. Don’t say you’re too busy; make time for this. Get up fifteen minutes earlier or read and pray together after dinner. We take time to feed our physical body, so why not our spiritual? Spiritual food is as necessary as food for our physical body.
Learn to Listen
Another way to bind a marriage is by being a good listener … really listen and respond to what is being said. If you ask your husband or wife how the day went, then listen as he or she tells you some of the things that went on. You’ll get to know your partner better if you listen and learn how things that happen affect him or her. Share everything, yes everything, even the silly little things that you may feel your loved one would not be interested in.
Be honest in your own feelings and don’t put on a front. If you are sincere in your love for each other, don’t hold things in. Don’t be afraid to explain to your loved one whatever is troubling you. Keep your lines of communication open.
Making A Marriage Work
If couples would sit down once in a while and re-read the vows they took together, or better yet, if they would memorize Ephesians 5:21-33, they would have fewer problems. It would be easy to be subject to our own husbands, as unto the Lord, in everything, if our husbands would love and cherish us as “Christ loved the Church.” I have yet to see an unhappy wife whose husband loves her as much as he loves himself, for no man ever really hates himself. How much happier our lives would be if we would love each other as we are told to do in the Word of God. These verses are not merely suggestions from the Lord, they are commands. If a man falls so deeply in love with a woman that he can’t live without her and marries her, he is to continue to love her in spite of her faults, temperament and moods. I can hear someone say, “Yes, but you don’t know what she is really like!” No, we don’t, but ask yourself, “Is my wife the way she is because of how I am?” As a husband or wife, if you think there is nothing wrong with you, watch out, for that is your biggest problem. We all know troubles arise in a marriage, even in a good one, and it is easy to blame the other partner. Both husband and wife must contribute to a good marriage… like everything else in life, the more we put into it the more we will get in return. We must love each other and part of loving is giving, working, sharing and serving. Live for Christ first, then for each other, and you will always get more out of life in the joy and happiness a good relationship brings.
Marriage is not for the childish, selfish, irresponsible, self-centered, spoiled person, often made this way by an overindulgent parent. Marriage is for those who want to give and share… not blind to our partner’s or our own faults and weaknesses, but willing to try to live, love and understand each other. We can experience this only after first experiencing God’s love in our own hearts and minds. He helps us to share our love with each other. Many of our young people want to have “sharing meetings,” sharing with others what is on their hearts. Possibly we would have little need for this if our sharing and love for each other had been shown in our homes and with our children.
Love, share and strengthen each other in marriage. If you thought enough of each other to want to marry, you should be willing to work at a good, loving relationship in and through our Lord Jesus Christ.